cascading on broken promises & fairy tale dreams :

whisper sweet nothings in my ear as if he knew all my emotional thoughts :

gently lying to me because the truth is to dark to bare :

me, wondering, why won’t you just walk away & realizing that I don’t truly know who the question is to : 

me or him or us :

~TiffanyAnnPharr~

I am a domestic … I am secretly a housewife w: no husband or wife to cater to … I am waiting for the day that I can cook a meal for some one : make sure my house is in perfect condition because I wouldn’t have it any other way … Do I desire them to be my {rib} all day every day?!? HELL NO … I need to breath just like they do … go have a “guys” night out … don’t blow up my phone when @ midnight & I am not yet home … just know that I will be there … trust that when I am committed that there is no one or nothing that could spoil what we have started …  the balance in a relationship does not soley come from one part or the other … it comes from both souls … it comes from fights & disagreements … it comes from cuddling on the couch w: cell phones on vibrate … it comes from not seeing one other for hours & picking up the phone for a quick txt or bbm or very public fb message just to say ILOVEYOU … :::I rather live in my fantasy & just {dream} about reality:::

so… my current thoughts are about L O V E *raisingMYeyebrow* when isn’t my mind not on it.  when it beats me up : when it makes me giggle ::: I am always thinking about the four letter word that I think of as “a tragic beauty”.  I am in love w: love. But love does not seem to have mutual feelings for myself.  Even w: that fact I still stand by it & wait for it to choose me the way that I have chosen it YEARS ago.  I remember being 13 & a boy named Quinten Jordan loved me & respected me & took me the way that I was <—- a handful.  He would take my face in his hands and wipe my tears when I cried.  He would stay on the phone w: me for hours & we would talk about whatever came to mind … it was ok to be sensitive w: him … @ 25yrs, I am not sure where that little girls is.  I don’t show weakness bc I am always afraid that some one will take advantage of that. 

I had a short conversation w: a special “friend” of mine (via txt message) & he said that he couldn’t deal w: a female who was stubborn … I am stubborn but I am loyal & I personally believe that loyalty outweighs the stereotype of a “stubborn” female …

I am a Pisces & throughout this blog … you will get to know EXACTLY what that means!!!

there are many different factors in choosing a mate. looks : style : height : weight : race ::: SEX? … … … & I am not talking about male or female.  the big question that has been on my mind all day long is: CAN YOU HAVE A GREAT RELATIONSHIP W: A BAD SEX LIFE?

the truth of the matter is, sex plays a big part in anyone’s relationship. so if a girl can not satisfy her man w: the way she moves her hips or if a guy is not as blessed as his girl would like, how do we make up for our significant others “short comings” ?!?!?!?!?!?!?

when it comes down to loving another, what are we willing to sacrifice? would you give up your lover for the physical instead of the mental or would you grind your teeth together and love your lover more for trying their best to give you exactly what you need?  do you tell them? do you fake it ALWAYS?

i feel like the total package is as hard to find as … um … well … it’s just hard, damnit! there is always one flaw in the person that you love. even in the person that you lust over but is SEX considered a {flaw} or deal {breaker}

                                                 :::::WHTisTHEsolution:::::

… I have been sitting in this one spot : listening to lil wayne : staring @ the same blank page for about 15mins … I have been daydreaming & living in my fantasies all day ( it’s nothing new, I do this everyday ) but today my imagination seemed to be 10x greater than it normally is.  The reality of the matter is, I live in my own world.  Where I rather love pple from a distance than to have them in my face every second of every day for every moment.  The ”oxymoron” part of it is that, I :::heart::: my crew (when I had one) … but to be a :you: in a crowd of :them: where no one understands < it’s exhausting >.  There are times when I lust for alone time … I want to cut my phone off & pretend that no one exist … I want to marinate in my own thoughts & sorrows & fears & joys w:o feeling like I am being judged off other pples confusions.  Sometimes I don’t want to be other pples shoulders to cry on bc when I need one, it feels like a quickie {get in : get off : get out}.  I tried :::vulnerability::: on for size … p.s. by the way, I am NOT fan of it!!! I have a hard outter shell naturally so it’s not difficult at all to be cold blooded from time to time *secret* there are just certain pple that I do not want to look @ w: a blank stare bc I genuinely do care about them dearly … BUT when they stare at me w: this cold piercing stare, my natural reaction is to do the same back & reject any thoughts I have of being sincere.  {I am an oxymoron personified} THIS SUCKS ! ! !  

… we shall see how this goes … I am going to use this as my virtual journal : thoughts : feelings : emotions : fears : pet peeves ::: & all the positives in between!!! No judgment

                                                      LET THE SHOW BEGIN